Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You took a bar mat shot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
