so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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