When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
