Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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