called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
