Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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