just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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