I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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