I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize