Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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