I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
