And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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