I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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