My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there's paper in my vomit.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
