i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
