Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
