dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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