I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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