These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
