The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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