So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
