My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
