We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
