I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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