He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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