I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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