Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
