Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
