I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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