Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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