Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
