He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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