alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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