I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
