Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
