I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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