Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize