Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
