Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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