well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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