Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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