I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
