I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize