So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
