She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
