Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My ass is underappreciated
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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