Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
