I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
