I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
