I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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