At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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