Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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