It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
