I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
