So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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