gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
