In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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