when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize