I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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