Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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