I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
